Steps for Problem Solving

Coping Strategies 2!

Problem-focused strategy

This strategy relies on using active ways to directly tackle the situation that caused the stress: you must concentrate on the problem. Here are some examples:

1. Analyze the situation
   e.g. Pay attention, avoid taking on more responsibility than you can manage.
2. Work harder 
   e.g. Stay up all night to study for an exam
3. Apply what you have already learned to your daily life.
   e.g. You lose your job for the second time - you now know the steps to apply for a new job
4. Talk to a person that has a direct impact on the situation
   e.g. Talk directly to your boss to ask for an extension to the project that is due in one week.

Emotion-focused strategy

Emotion-focused coping strategies are used to handle feelings of distress, rather than the actual problem situation. You focus on your emotions:

1. Brood
   e.g. you accept new tasks instead of saying “no”, but you keep complaining and saying it is unfair.
2. Imagine/Magic thinking 
   e.g. You dream about a better financial situation.
   
3. Avoid/Deny 
   e.g. You avoid everything that is related to this situation or you take drugs and/or alcohol to escape from this situation.
4. Blame 
   e.g. You blame yourself or others for the situation.
5. Social support 
   e.g. You talk to your best friend about your concerns.

6. Efficient coping strategies

   Coping strategies are different depending on the situation and the person; here are some good coping strategies.

   REMEMBER...

   Coping is a very complex process, that varies according to many variables such as the situation, the evaluation of the situation, and the resources available.
1. Be positive! 
   Look at each obstacle you encounter as a learning experience
   e.g. you may not have done well on your mid-term exam, but that has motivated you to study harder and ace your final exam.
2. Make the choice not to over-react to stressors and deal with them one at a time 
   e.g. take a few deep breaths and carry on.
3. Take an objective view of your stressor 
   e.g. is preparing dinner for 12 people really that horrible?
4. Communicate! 
   Don’t ruminate or bottle up your emotions, as this will lead to an explosion later on.
5. Accept yourself (and others).
   No one is perfect and there is always room for mistakes.
6. Make connections with people 
   Social support is key!
7. Deal effectively with mistakes 
   i.e. Learn from your mistakes and apply them to future decision making.
8. Deal effectively with successes also! 
   This will build on your competence.
9. Develop self-discipline and control 
   e.g. train yourself to study harder in preparation for your final exam, or train yourself to work out four times a week to lose those pounds you gained since last Thanksgiving dinner!
10. Maintenance! 
    Practice, practice, practice for a long life of resilient living!
7. Taken from: http://www.humanstress.ca/stress/trick-your-stress/steps-to-instant-stress-management.html

Coping Strategies 1

• Humor. Pointing out the amusing aspects of the problem at hand, or "positive reframing," is thought to help deal with small failures.
• Seeking support. Asking for help, or finding emotional support from family members or friends, can be an effective way of maintaining emotional health during a stressful period.
• Problem-solving. As described above, problem solving is an instrumental coping mechanism that aims to locate the source of the problem and determine solutions. This coping mechanism is often helpful in work situations.
• Relaxation. Engaging in relaxing activities, or practicing calming techniques, can help to manage stress and improve overall coping.
• Physical recreation. Regular exercise, such as running, or team sports, is a good way to handle the stress of given situation. This may involve yoga, meditating, progressive muscle relaxation, among other techniques of relaxation.
• Adjusting expectations. Anticipating various outcomes to scenarios in life may assist in preparing for the stress associated with any given change or event.
• Denial. Avoidance of the issue altogether may lead to denying that a problem even exists. Denial is usually maintained by distractions, such as excessive alcohol consumption, overworking, or sleeping more than usual.
• Self-blame. Internalizing the issue, and blaming oneself (beyond just taking responsibility for one's actions), leads to low-self esteem and sometimes depression.
• Venting. An externalizing coping technique, venting is the outward expression of emotions, usually in the company of friends or family. In moderation it can be healthy; however, ruminating on the negative can lead to strained relationships over time.

Taken from http://www.semel.ucla.edu/dual-diagnosis-program/News_and_Resources/How_Do_You_Cope

15 Things to Give Up If You Want to Be Happy

Assertive Rights

WEDP

WEDP

Wants
• What do you want?
• What do you want instead of the problem?
• What is your picture of a quality life, relationship, etc?
• What do your family/friends want for you?
• What do you want from counselling?

Doing
• What are you doing? (acting, thinking, feeling, physiology)
• When you act this way, what are you thinking?
• When you think/act this way, how are you feeling?
• How do your thoughts/actions affect your health?

Evaluate
• Is what you are doing, helping you get what you want?
• Is it taking you in the direction you want to go?
• Is what you want achievable?
• Does it help you to look at it in that way?
• How hard are you prepared to work at this?
• Is your current level of commitment working in your favour?
• Is it a helpful plan?

Plan
• What are you prepared to do/think differently that will take you in the direction you want to go?
• Are you clear about what you are going to do?
• Is it achievable?
• How will you know you have done it?
• Can you start doing it immediately?
• Is it in your control?
• Are you committed to doing it?

Walk-Through Test

Psychology Walk-Through Test

Imagine yourself in a forest.

1: Is the forest you see light or dark?

2: Did you see a path?

Now we ask you to walk through the forest.

1: You see a cup. What does it look like?

2: What do you do with it?

You continue on your walk through the forest. You see water.

1: What does it look like?

2: Is the water you see moving?

3: How deep is this water?

4: You need to cross the water. How do you do it?

You continue on your walk through the forest. You see a bear.

1: What sort of bear is it?

2: What’s your bear doing?

3: You need to move on. How do get around the bear?

You continue walking. You reach a beach.

1: How many people do you see?

2: How far are the nearest people?

The forest and the path

If you saw a path in the forest you’re not yet settled into your life as it is. Younger people usually see a path. Why is this? The path is symbolic of where you’re going. People still finding their way in life are more likely to see a path. Those more settled in their direction or place in life are less likely to see a path.

The Cup

The cup is symbolic of wealth and your approach to it. The question gave you the chance to see any sort of cup. A tea cup, a sporting trophy, a tin cup, even a steaming cup of coffee! This question gave you the opportunity to reward yourself. If you said you saw a cup that appeared valuable then you rewarded yourself with something of value to you. If you didn’t see a valuable cup then you didn’t give yourself a reward when the opportunity arose.

If you left the cup alone you were given the chance to take a reward but left it behind you. Either wealth has no real value to you or wealth is something you think you’ve got to work for.

If you picked the cup up and then put it down again you were given the chance to take a reward and then you found an immediate use for the cup and used it there and then. Many people see a cup of tea or coffee and drink it. Did you do something similar? You left the chance for a reward behind you and found a practical use for the cup. You took a ‘here and now’ approach to the reward.

If you used the cup but then left it behind it means that you were given the chance to take a reward, you were curious enough to pick the cup up, but left it behind you. Either wealth has no real value to you or wealth is something you think you’ve got to work for.

If you took the cup with you then you probably saw a cup that was in some way valuable to you. You saw the chance to quickly reward yourself with easy pickings and you took it.

 Water

Water is symbolic of sex. The depth and speed of the water you see is indicative of your attitude, appetite and approach to sex.

The speed at which you see water moving is an indicator of you appetite for sex. But, not necessarily your need. The slower the water, the lower your appetite. The faster the water, the greater your appetite.

The depth of the water is an indicator of how you see and what you want from sex. If you saw shallow water then you are able to reach fulfillment from deep and intense lovemaking. If you saw fast moving water, ‘little and often’ is for you.

If you saw deep waters then your love for the ‘deep and intense’ doesn’t mean you cannot enjoy anything else. You get true fulfillment from deeper and more intense lovemaking. For you, still waters run deep.

The ease with which you cross the water is an indicator of your attitude and approach to sex. The more easily you crossed the water, the more comfortable or liberal you’re likely to be in your approach to sex.

The Bear

The bear is symbolic of problems and how you deal with them. The question gave you the chance to see a problem. If you saw a teddy or Winnie-the-Pooh then in relative terms your life is stress free and when given a problem you don’t see one. You’re pretty happy with life too.

If you saw a real bear you were given the chance to see a problem. People under routine stress will see large and very dangerous bears.

Equally a bear you’re ignoring or was ignoring you, is indicative of how you see stress and problems when they’re presented to you.

If the bear hasn’t seen you or has seen you but is doing cute ‘bear type’ things then you don’t have many real problems in your life. You’re not under everyday stress or worry. Given the chance to see a problem, you didn’t see one.

If the bear has seen you but is minding his own business then whilst you have the usual problems in your life, you’re not under unhealthy levels of stress or worry.

If the bear has seen you and is looking threatening you need a holiday! You’re under high levels of stress or worry.

How you get round the bear is indicative of how you deal with problems and how you resolve them. If you answered that you were considering adoption then your approach is very different to other people’s. Unfortunately for them, most people are under much more stress than you.

The Beach

The beach is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. How many people you pictured on the beach relates directly to the number of people you want around you. A truly socially gregarious person is most comfortable in the company of a large number of people, and seeks the audience (this personality type sees a beach packed with people). At the opposite end of the scale, those people that see a deserted beach are happy with their own company. They’re very happy to spend long periods on their own where others would feel lonely.

If you saw hundreds of people you’re a person that’s very comfortable in a crowded pub, club or bar. You may even seek them out. You may like an audience. Where’re you going tonight?

If you saw 20-100 people you’re quite a social animal. Usually comfortable in crowded pubs, clubs or bars. You may even seek them out. Where are you going this Saturday night?

If you saw one or two people then you’re a person who wouldn’t want to spend a whole lot of time in crowded pubs, clubs or bars. You can be a social animal, but you’re often content with your own company. The vast majority of people see a beach with one or two people on it.

If you didn’t see any people then you’re a person least comfortable in a crowded pub, club or bar. You may even avoid them. You have the potential to be a social animal, but you wouldn’t get lonely stranded on a desert island. You’re content for long periods of time with your own company.

 Where you see people on the beach is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. If you saw people close enough to talk to then this suggests you want contact with other people most of the time.

If you saw people that weren’t close enough to talk to then this suggests you don’t need contact with other people all of the time, but like to know that someone is there for you.

If you saw people in the distance then you don’t need contact with other people all of the time. You’re happy with you own company

Walk-Through Test 2

1. Imagine yourself on board a boat that is sinking. You manage to swim to a life boat and climb in.

How many people do you see in the life boat with you?

 2. You row to the shore and see a vast desert before you. You collect some belongings and supplies, and head out across the desert in search of salvation.

How many pairs of shoes do you use?

 3. After much hard travel, you climb a rise of dunes and see a city in the distance. You also notice an oasis not too far away.

Do you stop and rest at the oasis for as long as you want, only rest there for a minute, or keep heading towards the city?

 4. Upon entering the city, you see a castle that intrigues you and decide to go to it. After passing the gates you find yourself walking down the length of a long corridor leading to the throne room. You enter and see a king and a queen sitting side by side on the throne.

What do both the king and the queen look like? What characteristics do they seem to embody?

 5. You leave and go down a spiral stairway. It’s dark and shadowy, with torches lit intermittently along the walls. As you’re walking down a lady (if you are a man) or a knight (if you are woman) from the court passes you by. You only catch a glimpse of their face, and they remind you of someone you know.

Who did you see?

6. The stairs lead you to a banquet room and you see this long table with a golden goblet in the middle of the table.

Looking inside the goblet, how full of wine is it?

1. How many true friends you perceive you have.

2. How many true loves you’ll have before getting married.

3. Your personal work ethic.

4. What you imagine your ideal mate to be like.

5. This is the person you’ll never get over for the rest of your life.

6. How full it is represents how much of yourself you give in a relationship

Surname (Personality)

What's in a surname? An attempt to examine your love life based on the letters in your name.

Scroll down to the first letter of your surname to get your surname profile. A You are not particularly romantic, you have no patience for flirting and can't be bothered with someone who is trying to be coy, cute, demure, and subtly enticing. You are an up-front person. Your mate's physical attractiveness is important to you. You find the chase and challenge to be invigorating. You are passionate as well as being much more adventurous than you appear; however, you do not go around advertising these qualities. Your physical needs are your primary concern. B You give off vibes of lazy sensuality. You enjoy being romanced, wined, and dined. You are very happy to receive gifts as an expression of the affection of your partner. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You are private in your expression of endearments, particularly when it comes to lovemaking. You will hold off until everything meets with your approval. You can control your appetite and abstain from sex if need be. You require new sensations and experiences. You are willing to experiment.

C You are a very social individual, and it is important to you to have a relationship. You require closeness and togetherness. You must be able to talk to your partner at all times. You want the object of your affection to be socially acceptable and good-looking. You see your lover as a friend and companion. You need someone to appreciate and almost worship you. When this cannot be achieved, you have the ability to go for long periods without having a partner in your life. You are an expert at controlling your desires and doing without. D Once you decide that you want someone, you move full steam ahead in pursuit. You do not give up your quest easily. You are nurturing and caring. If someone has a problem, this turns you on. You are highly passionate, loyal, and intense in your involvements, sometimes possessive and jealous. Sex to you is a pleasure to be enjoyed. The eccentric and unusual, having a free and open attitude stimulates you. E Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested in them. You need a friend for a lover and a companion for a bedmate. You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important than the sexual act for you. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. When you don't have a good lover to fall asleep with, you will fall asleep with a good book. Sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book. F You are idealistic and romantic, putting your partner on a pedestal. You look for the very best mate you can find. You are a flirt, yet once committed, you are very loyal. You are sensuous and privately passionate. Publicly, you can be showy, extravagant, and gallant. You are born romantic. Dramatic love scenes are a favorite fantasy pastime. G You are fastidious, seeking perfection within yourself and your partner. You respond to a partner who is your intellectual equal or superior, and one who can enhance your status. You enjoy playing love games - that is, when you find the time. Your duties and responsibilities take precedence over everything else. You are sensuous and passionate however you may have difficulty getting emotionally close with your partner. H You seek a mate who can enhance your reputation and earning ability. You will be very generous to your partner once you have attained a commitment. Your gifts are actually an investment in your partner. Before the commitment, though, you tend to be frugal in your spending and dating. You are sensual and patient. I You have a great need to be loved, appreciated... even worshipped. You enjoy luxury, sensuality, and love games. You look for partners who know what they are doing. You are not interested in an amateur, unless that amateur wants a tutor. You are fussy and exacting about having your desires satisfied. You are willing to experiment and try new modes of expression. You bore easily and thus require adventure and change. You are sensual and sometimes downright lustful. J You are blessed with a great deal of physical energy. There is nothing to stop you, except maybe the stamina of your partner (you could have danced all night.) You respond to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of the mating game. You can carry on great romances in your head. At heart you are a roamer and need to set out on your own every so often. You will carry on long-distance relationships with ease. You are idealistic and need to believe in love. Intimacy seems to satisfy a need to be nurtured deep within. K You are secretive, self-contained, and shy. You are very sexy, sensual, and passionate, but you do not let on to this. Only in intimate privacy will this part of your nature reveal itself. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. L You can be very romantic, attached to the glamour of love. Having a partner is of paramount importance to you. You are free in your expression of love and are willing to take chances, try new sexual experiences and partners, provided it's all in good taste. You must feel that your partner is intellectually stimulating, otherwise you will find it difficult to sustain the relationship. You require loving, cuddling, wining, and dining to know that you're being appreciated. M You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You also enjoy mothering your mate. N You may appear innocent, unassuming, and shy; but we know that appearances can lie. In the bedroom you are no novice but something of a skilled technician. You can easily go to extremes, though, running the gamut from insatiability to boredom. You can be highly critical of you mate, seeking perfection in both of you. It is not easy to find someone who can meet your standards. You have difficulty expressing emotions and drawing close to partners.

O You are very interested in sexual activities yet secretive and shy about your desires. You can re-channel much of your energy into making money and/or seeking power. You can easily have extended periods of celibacy. You are passionate and compassionate requiring the same qualities from your mate. Having a partner is serious business; thus you demand intensity, diversity, and are willing to try anything or anyone. Sometimes your passions turn to possessiveness, which must be kept in check. P You are very conscious of social proprieties. You wouldn't think of doing anything that might harm your image or reputation. Appearances count. Therefore, you require a good-looking partner. You also require an intelligent partner. Oddly enough, you may view your partner as your enemy...a good fight stimulates those vibes. You are willing to experiment and try new ways of doing things. You are very social and sensual; you enjoy flirting and need a good deal of physical gratification. Q You require constant activity and stimulation. You have tremendous physical energy. It is not easy for a partner to keep up with you. You are enthusiastic and tend to be attracted to people of other ethnic groups. You need romance, hearts and flowers, and lots of conversation. R You need someone who can keep pace with you and who is your intellectual equal - the smarter the better. You prefer a great mind to a great body. However, physical attractiveness is also very important to you. You have to be proud of your partner. You are a very passionate person although this is not apparent to others. If your new partner is not all that great in bed, you are willing to serve as teacher. You can be a very demanding playmate. S For you, it is business before pleasure. If you are in any way bothered by career, business, or money concerns, you find it very hard to relax and get into the mood. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and are capable of much sensuality. But you never lose control of your emotions. You are very careful and cautious before you give your heart away - and your body, for that matter. Once you make the commitment, though, you stick like glue. T You are very sensitive, private, and passive; you like a partner who takes the lead. Music, soft lights, and romantic thoughts excite you. You fantasize and tend to fall in and out of love. When in love, you are romantic, idealistic, mushy, and extremely changeable. You enjoy having your senses and your feelings stimulated, titillated, and teased. You are a great flirt. You can make your relationships fit your dreams, all in your own head. U You are enthusiastic and idealistic when in love. When not in love, you are in love with love, always looking for someone to adore. You see romance as a challenge. You are a roamer and need adventure, excitement, and freedom. You enjoy giving gifts and you are willing to put your partner's pleasures above your own. V You are individualistic, and you need freedom, space, and excitement. You wait until you know someone well before committing yourself. Knowing someone means psyching them out. You feel a need to see what makes them tick. You are attracted to eccentric types. There is often an age difference between you and your partner. You respond to danger, thrills, and suspense. W You are very proud, determined, and you refuse to take no for an answer when pursuing love. Your ego is at stake. You are romantic, idealistic, and often in love with love itself, not seeing your partner as he or she really is. You feel deeply and throw all of yourself into your relationships. Nothing is too good for your partner. X You need constant stimulation because you bore quickly. You can handle more than one relationship at a time with ease. You talk while you make love. You can have the greatest love affairs, all by yourself, in your own head. Y You are sexual, sensual, and very independent. If you can't have it your way, you will forgo the whole thing. You want to control your relationships, which doesn't always work out too well. You respond to physical stimulation, enjoy necking and spending hours just touching, feeling, and exploring. However, if you can spend your time making money, you will give up romantic pleasures for the moment. You need to prove to yourself and your partner what a great lover you are. You want feedback on your performance. You are an open, stimulating, romantic bedmate. Z You are very romantic, idealistic, and somehow you believe that to love means to suffer. You wind up serving your mate or attracting people who have unusual troubles. You see yourself as your partner's savior. You are sincere, passionate, lustful, and dreamy. You can't help falling in love and like to fantasize.

The Seaside

Take a trip to the seaside and learn something more about yourself.

1. You awake one morning and find yourself in an odd yet familiar room. Describe the room and how it makes you feel. What kind of furnishings and decorations are there? Do you feel like you would like to leave the room? 2. Now imagine that you are walking towards the seaside. How many people do you see? a. Hundreds. b. A few dozen. c. One or two. d. None. How far are the nearest people? a. Close by. b. Not very far off. c. Way off in the distance. d. The beach is deserted.

Analysis The room represents childhood. The room's comfort level represents your childhood experiences. Inviting surroundings suggest a pleasant childhood, whilst uninviting surroundings suggest an unexciting or sad childhood. The number of furnishings and the degree of detail in your description show how many childhood memories you have. A room bare of any furnishings suggests a complete absence of childhood memories, while an averagely furnished room suggests normal memories of childhood. A room filled with furniture might suggest persisting memories of childhood. Choosing to leave the room demonstrates a readiness to grow up Wanting to stay in the room indicates a reluctance to grow up. Note: Choosing to leave the room does not imply an unpleasant childhood, while choosing to remain in the room does not imply an unhappy adolescence. The seaside is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. How many people you pictured relates to the number of people you want around you. An extraverted, gregarious person feels energized in the company of a large number of people. People who see a deserted seaside are more introverted and feel more content spending longer periods of time on their own. If you saw hundreds of people, crowded bars and clubs can feel like your second home. You are quite a social animal, and at times, you may also like an audience. If you saw a few dozen people, you feel comfortable in social gatherings, bars and clubs, you may even seek them out. If you saw one or two people then you do not like to spend a whole lot of time in bars or clubbing. You can be charming and social, but you are often content being alone. The vast majority of people see a beach with one or two people on it. If you did not see any people, you are least likely to feel comfortable in a crowded club or bar. You are often content with your own company and may even avoid certain crowded places. Where you see people on the beach is also symbolic of how you relate to people around you. If you saw people close by, then you are sociable and can be quite a chatterbox at times. If the people seemed far away you are usually quiet and reserved. For you, actions speak louder than words. However you still need friends that are prepared to listen whenever you need them, or someone to talk to about your day.

Oasis (Personality)

Your views on some of life's crucial decisions.

1. A box is lying in the road. What is inside? 2. If you could choose one place to live the rest of your life, where would it be? 3. You have been wandering around lost in the desert all day when you suddenly you see a village in the distance. You also notice an oasis not too far away. Where do you decide to go? 4. What would you do if you suddenly lost everything? 5 Tomorrow is Sunday. What are you going to do? 6. If you get into a tight spot, who would you go to for help? 7. What age would you like to be for the rest of your life? 8. If someone told you that you had just 24 hours to live, how would you spend them? 9. If you could save only one thing from a fire, what would it be?

Analysis 1. Your answer reveals what kind of luck you think you will have in an unexpected circumstance. If you imagined something that is of no value to you, then you believe that good luck is out of reach. If you imagined something valuable such as treasure, then you believe that it will definitely be yours someday. If there is nothing in the box then you don't believe in luck. Reality is built on practicalities. 2. If you chose the place where you live already, your life is comfortable and gratifying. If you chose a far away destination, you are a  dreamer or a romantic. If you can't decide where to live then you have no strong attachment or loyalties. 3. You answer describes your personal work ethic. If you go to the oasis, you prefer to play first and work later. You dislike rules and regulations and can be impulsive at times. You  procrastinate and you like to multitask. If you go straight to the village then you like to assume responsibility. You know how to make good use of your time and you plan your day carefully. You prefer finishing projects rather than starting them and you take deadlines seriously. 4. Those who would look to make a fresh start are likely to be people who take responsibility for their actions and don't simply react to  life's circumstances. 5. Your answer describes your spending habits. Sunday is a day you are free to use however you want. Having freedom to do whatever you want is  like having money to spend however you want. If you decide to stay home and take it easy you spend as little as possible. If you go shopping you generally spend whatever you have. If you do a sport you save for a rainy day. If you go out for a walk you spend carefully. 6. Those who would try to fix things themselves are self assured and strong characters. Those who turn to friends or family are a little insecure and are not ready to accept full responsibility in difficult situations. Those who seek practical advice from a lawyer or other professional are realists. 7. The age you choose generally represents the period when you were happiest and had a lot of self confidence. Those who wish to return to their childhood years long for the period where they had no responsibility. Those who choose their present age are emotionally mature and successful. People over forty generally choose an age ten years younger. 8. If you chose close friends and family, you have an emotional and sentimental nature. If you would rather be alone, then you might be moody and discontented. If you chose to party and have a good time, you submit to fate with your composure intact. If you would keep the knowledge to yourself and spend the day as usual, you are brave and resilient. 9. If it's a photo album or something similar then you are sentimental. If the object is an article of clothing to cover yourself, you are cautious and conventional. If choose something that has a high monetary value you are rather materialistic. If you choose your passport or laptop, you are practical.

http://www.personalityquiz.net/profiles/typology/index.htm

Emotions (Personality Profile)

Do you have a healthy attitude towards your emotions?

For your every 'no' answer, add 1 to your score. 1. Do you feel guilty if you cry in public? 2. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness? 3. Do you think men and boys should be encouraged to hide their tears? 4. Do you feel embarrassed if you find yourself crying while watching a film or reading a book? 5. Would you try to hold back your tears if you were attending a funeral? 6. Would you distrust a politician who shed tears in public? 7. Do you think that tears are an unnecessary expression of emotion? 8. Do you always try to hide your disappointment? 9. Do you get embarrassed if you see grown men crying? 10. Would you pretend that you had something in your eyes if you were unexpectedly discovered crying? 11. Do you always try to hide your anger?   For your every 'yes' answer, add 1 to your score 12. Do you tend to brood about things which make you angry? 13. Does your temper even get out of control? 14. Has your temper even got you in trouble? 15. Do you believe that it does you good to get rid of your anger? 16. Would you allow someone to comfort you if you were crying? 17. Do you get cross quite easily? 18. Do you touch someone you love at least once a day? 19. Do you enjoy physical signs of affection? 20. Do you ever get broody when you see small babies? 21. Would you happily hold hands in public with someone you cared for? 22. Do you enjoy being massaged? 23. Do you regularly tell those whom you love how you feel? 24. Have you ever had a pet of which you were very fond? 25. Do you enjoy being kissed and hugged by people you love? 26. Do you ever laugh out loud when you are watching funny films? 27. Do you ever tap your feet while listening to Music? 28. Do you often have the last clap at concerts, sports events and the like? 29. Do you ever shout encouragement to sports or TV heroes? 30. Can you remember when you last really laughed and enjoyed yourself?

Analysis Score 17 to 30 Your attitude towards your emotions is a healthy one. You aren't ashamed to let your emotions show occasionally, and you will undoubtedly be much healthier because of this attitude. You are likely to be a good social advisor. Score 8 to 16 You know how to let your emotions show but you still find it difficult to do so as often as you should. You should be prepared to let your emotions out more often. When you feel sad let yourself cry, when you feel angry, let your anger show, when you feel happy allow a smile to cross your face. Allowing your emotions out in this way will do wonders to your physical and mental health. Score 7 or less You are definitely very uptight. You really do need to allow your emotions flow out a little. There isn't any thing really wrong in allowing people to know how you feel.

Nature (Love)

Take a journey into nature and discover more about your relationships.

1. While walking along a path you notice a rose tree in the distance. There is a single rose, yet it is not like any rose you have ever seen before. It is the most beautiful rose you have ever seen! What do you do? 2. You climb upon a hill and can see a deep green valley below. A beautiful horse catches your eye. You are awestruck, and for some reason you can't take your attention away from it. Why? Describe the horse.

3. All of a sudden you are in a totally different place, totally different from where you were before. Where are you? 4. As you ponder your new surroundings, someone taps you on the shoulder. You turn around and it's someone you know. Who is it? 5. You are now walking along a path and you stop when you reach water. a. Describe the water. For example, is it a large ocean or a small pond? Is it clear or murky? Shallow or deep? Is the water moving? b. Is the water moving? i. It is moving fast. ii. It is moving slowly. iii. It is still water. c. You need to cross over to the other side. How do you do it? i. Swim across. ii. Build a raft. iii. Search for a bridge. iv. Walk around. 6. Drinking container Having crossed the water you stumble upon a drinking container. A. Describe the drinking container. B. Do you leave it behind or take it with you? C. If you take it with you do you fill it or leave it empty? Analysis   1. Rose How you react to temptation. If you picked the rose, then you are apt to give into temptation whenever it arises. 2. Horse This is how you would describe your perfect partner. Do I really need to elaborate here? 3. New surroundings This is your favorite place in the world, the place you would most like to be, whether or not it was possible.

4. Tap on the shoulder This is the person you trust more than anyone else. 5. Water Water is symbolic of your appetite, and approach towards sex. a. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your libido. The clarity of the water reveals opinions about sex. Dark, murky water may reveal issues or prejudices towards sex, while clear water reveals a positive attitude towards sex. The deeper the waters, the more fulfillment you get from deep and intense lovemaking. Little details such as bubbles in the stream, a mild current or the wind creating small waves, may reveal a playful disposition towards sex. The presence of life in the water (frogs, ducks) may indicate a stronger than average desire for children. b. The pace at which the water is moving indicates libido. Generally the greater the pace, the more vigorous the sex drive. c. Your answer reveals the way you search for a partner. Crossing a river is the equivalent of going out and finding that special someone. When it comes to finding a romantic partner you: i. Search until you find your perfect match. ii. Create opportunities to interact with many people, then select someone you like. You are not too worried about finding someone right away. iii. Do not have any particular type in mind, but are inclined to look for someone who is likely to say 'yes' if asked. iv. Base your search on information from your friends. You may be a bit cautious about your relationships. The ease by which you crossed the water indicates how comfortable or liberal you are likely to be in your approach to sex. Finding a way to cross indicates an interest in new sexual experiences. If you decide to walk around the water then you are not as open to new sexual experiences. How wet you get in crossing the water is another indication of the importance of your sex life. Any interaction you had with the water, for example splashing with your hand, is an indicator of increased libido. If you jumped in and had fun, you are a wildcat. Note: The way you cross the water may reveal additional personality traits. For example, if you jump into the river and swim across, you act without thinking. If you find another way to cross, you think before you act. 6. Drinking container a. The description of the container defines how you approach a romantic relationship or attachment. If the container is plain and has a practical use, then you are likely to take a rational and realistic approach to relationships. Practical containers are made of sturdy materials and do not break or spill their contents easily. Examples include a thermos and a water bottle. If the container is ornamental or is excessively adorned, your relationships are more likely to be idealistic, sentimental and adventurous. Examples of ornamental cups are those which are bejeweled, decorated with ribbons, or cut in various patterns like wine glasses. They are more likely to break and are not efficient during long journeys. A container that is both useful and attractive means that you are both realistic and dreamy when it comes to romantic relationships. If the container looks dirty and abandoned then you are pessimistic about being in a relationship with your partner for too long. b. If you take the container, then you feel that you are more likely to find happiness in long term relationships than short-lived romances. c. Taking the cup and filling it with water reveals that intimacy and sex make up a large part of your relationship. Taking the cup and leaving it empty means that sex does not play a major role in your relationship.

Colour (Love)

The clothes you wear, your home furnishings and the car you drive, all give clues to your sexual type. The key is the colors you select for most of your possessions. Most people claim they haven't got a favorite color and go on to claim it's black. But look around you, and you'll notice a pattern, especially in your clothing and home decor. The predominant color for you is the one that appears most frequently - it's the one that mirrors the sexual you. This quiz explains the association between color and sexual patterns.

Choose your favorite color. Brown Red Yellow Black Blue White Grey Pink Green Purple Orange No color preference

Analysis Red: People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish. When two reds get together, the ensuing erotica could make Lady Chatterly blush. Lovers of red tend to be aggressors and weaker colors should be aware. Yellow: If you or your partner tend to flavor yellow, your sexual drives are complex and turn toward the adaptable. In most cases the person will consent to the stronger partner's desires in a passive manner. You will never enjoy sex to the fullest, but you will never turn down an invitation from somebody you enjoy or admire. Pink: Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters: women tend to tease and to promise more than they intend to deliver. Men who like pink are the philanderers and flirts. Women whose husbands like pink should keep a secret nest egg. Purple: Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are business-like in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else's gratification. Black: A good many people will choose black as their favorite color, without really thinking about the question. They are moody and often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy times.

Green: Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their approach to sex. A man may always be a trifle clumsy and awkward but in a charming and endearing sort of way. Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about infidelity. Orange: Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love. They whisper sweet nothings, meaningless dialogue; they feel it is their image. Orange people often do not experience orgasm - but they put on a good act. Men tend to pull their partner's hair, and women leave red welts on their partner's back. Brown: If you or your partner love brown, you're a real treasure for the right mate. Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep and sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Sex is a 24 hour a day thing. Where you can't say "I love you" often enough. Snuggling by the fire, walking in the rain or catching snowflakes on their tongue are very important to lovers of brown. They need lots of time and privacy to make love. But their emotions are such that one harsh word could end the affair. Grey: The color grey a preferred by people who are indecisive. They can't get excited about anything - including color - so they choose a noncommittal shade. They count the cracks in the bedroom plaster until the sex act is over with. When grey marries another grey, the marriage is a match made in heaven. Blue: Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sinners, affectionate and sensitive to their partner's needs. They consider love making a fine art and their approach is elegant. Men who love blue are like concert pianists, delicately ravaging their partner like they would play a baby grand. Women in the blue category enjoy sex to the fullest. They are exciting partners but their passion may be compared to a tidal wave rather than fiery aggression. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate - never seeking outside interests. White: If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems obscene. To make love in the daylight is unheard of. Women who love white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before and after the sex act. No color preference: Most people claim they haven't a favorite color and go on to claim it's black, but that's very rare. Try this, think of room painted in only one color. Walls, ceiling, floor and furniture. If you had to stay in it for a few minutes, what color would you like it to be? Now go back to the colors.

Pathway Test (Love)

magine that are walking to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house...

1. You are walking to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house. There are two roads to get there. One is a straight path which takes you there quickly, but is very plain and boring. The other is curvy and full of wonderful sights on the way, but takes quite a while to reach your loved one's house. Which path do you choose? Short or long? 2. On the way, you see two rose bushes. One is full of white roses. One is full of red roses. You decide to pick 20 roses for your boyfriend/girlfriend. What color combination do you choose? (Any combination including all one color is fine.)

3. You finally get to your boyfriend/girlfriend's house. You ring the bell and the maid answers. You can ask the maid to please get your loved one, or you may go get them yourself. Which action do you take? Ask the maid or do it yourself? 4. Now, you go up to your girlfriend/boyfriends room. No one is there. You can leave the roses by the window sill, or on the bed. Where do you put the roses? Bed or window? 5. Later, its time for bed. You and your loved one go to sleep, in separate rooms. You wake up in the morning, and go to your boyfriend/girlfriend's room to check up on him/her. You enter the room: Is he/she awake or sleeping? 6. It's time to go home now, and you start to head back. You can take either road home now: The plain, boring one that gets you home fast; or the curvy, sight-filled road that you can just casually take your time with. Which road do you choose? Short or long?

Analysis 1. Which road do you choose to take to your love's house? The roads represent your attitude towards falling in love. If you chose the short one, you fall in love quickly and easily. If you chose the long one, you take your time and do not fall in love easily. 2. What combination of roses do you choose to give your love? The number of red roses represent how much you expect to give in a relationship. The number of white roses represent how much you expect in a relationship. Therefore, if a person chose all red with one white, he/she gives 90% in the relationship but expects to receive only 10% back. 3. Do you ask the maid to get your love, or do you do it yourself? This question shows your attitude in handling relationship problems. If you asked the maid to get your loved one, then you may beat around the bush, maybe asking a third party to intervene. Avoidance of problems runs high. If you went and got your loved one yourself, then you are pretty direct. If there is a problem, you confront it and deal with it. You want to work it out right away. 4. Where do you put the roses? On the window sill or on the bed? The placement of the roses indicates how often you'd like to see your boyfriend/girlfriend. Placing the roses on the bed means you need lots of reassurance in the relationship, and you'd want to see your loved one every day, if possible. Placing the roses by the window show that you don't expect or need to see your loved one too often. 5. Do you find your love asleep or awake? Finding your boyfriend/ girlfriend asleep: You accept your loved one the way they are. Finding them awake: You expect him/her to change for you. 6. Which road do you choose to go home? The short and long roads now represent how long you stay in love. If you chose the short one, you fall out of love easily. If you chose the long one, you tend to stay in love for a long time.

Relational Psychology

Your views on some of life's crucial decisions.

1. A box is lying in the road. What is inside? 2. If you could choose one place to live the rest of your life, where would it be? 3. You have been wandering around lost in the desert all day when you suddenly you see a village in the distance. You also notice an oasis not too far away. Where do you decide to go? 4. What would you do if you suddenly lost everything? 5 Tomorrow is Sunday. What are you going to do? 6. If you get into a tight spot, who would you go to for help? 7. What age would you like to be for the rest of your life? 8. If someone told you that you had just 24 hours to live, how would you spend them? 9. If you could save only one thing from a fire, what would it be?

Analysis 1. Your answer reveals what kind of luck you think you will have in an unexpected circumstance. If you imagined something that is of no value to you, then you believe that good luck is out of reach. If you imagined something valuable such as treasure, then you believe that it will definitely be yours someday. If there is nothing in the box then you don't believe in luck. Reality is built on practicalities. 2. If you chose the place where you live already, your life is comfortable and gratifying. If you chose a far away destination, you are a  dreamer or a romantic. If you can't decide where to live then you have no strong attachment or loyalties. 3. You answer describes your personal work ethic. If you go to the oasis, you prefer to play first and work later. You dislike rules and regulations and can be impulsive at times. You  procrastinate and you like to multitask. If you go straight to the village then you like to assume responsibility. You know how to make good use of your time and you plan your day carefully. You prefer finishing projects rather than starting them and you take deadlines seriously. 4. Those who would look to make a fresh start are likely to be people who take responsibility for their actions and don't simply react to  life's circumstances. 5. Your answer describes your spending habits. Sunday is a day you are free to use however you want. Having freedom to do whatever you want is  like having money to spend however you want. If you decide to stay home and take it easy you spend as little as possible. If you go shopping you generally spend whatever you have. If you do a sport you save for a rainy day. If you go out for a walk you spend carefully. 6. Those who would try to fix things themselves are self assured and strong characters. Those who turn to friends or family are a little insecure and are not ready to accept full responsibility in difficult situations. Those who seek practical advice from a lawyer or other professional are realists. 7. The age you choose generally represents the period when you were happiest and had a lot of self confidence. Those who wish to return to their childhood years long for the period where they had no responsibility. Those who choose their present age are emotionally mature and successful. People over forty generally choose an age ten years younger. 8. If you chose close friends and family, you have an emotional and sentimental nature. If you would rather be alone, then you might be moody and discontented. If you chose to party and have a good time, you submit to fate with your composure intact. If you would keep the knowledge to yourself and spend the day as usual, you are brave and resilient. 9. If it's a photo album or something similar then you are sentimental. If the object is an article of clothing to cover yourself, you are cautious and conventional. If choose something that has a high monetary value you are rather materialistic. If you choose your passport or laptop, you are practical.